Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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