there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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