3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
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What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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