My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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