In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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