It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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