I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
