im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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