The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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