I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
