I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
