Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
