Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
