Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
