Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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