My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
