Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
worst night to have a conscience
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
