Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
