my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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