you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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