a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
