the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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