i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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