Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
