She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
