Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
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One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
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That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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