I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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