so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
