dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
