im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I smell like Dick and happiness
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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