i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
