Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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