Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
