I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
