Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
