nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
