like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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