..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
