Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
