everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
