she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
