So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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