every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
