FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
