so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
