xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
