so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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