You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
