We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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