imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
