In the future we'll all be gay
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
