theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
