I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
