Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
