Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize