suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
