i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
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mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
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I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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