See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
