When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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