Your dad touched me again.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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