i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
