And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
