9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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