Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
