I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
