can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
