that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
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in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
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HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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