me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
