Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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