you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
