Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
