Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
