We need to rekindle our bromance
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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