xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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